Thursday, June 21, 2012

Little Free Libraries

I swear. Every year after going to the Duck Tape Festival I want to make stuff out of duct tape. I almost have a project finished. I just need to add a strap to it. And I might try adding pockets if I have enough tape left over. Its all purple because my mom stole my silver. But I've been thinking about making different things and hoping to be able to sell them. My next project after I get more tape is to try to make a Pokemon messenger bag or notebooks where instead of card board its tape and then sewing it all together. So I randomly wandered onto Etsy to see what kind of Duck brand duct tape stuff was being listed and ran across this. I saw the word library and I had to stop and read it. The more I read the more I wanted to do it. So I went over to the Little Free Library website. But as I was reading, I stopped and realized I wouldn't have many books to put in it. I do have to admit that I am a bit of a book hoarder. Looking at my bookcase I'd have one book that I would be willing to put in my Little Free Library if I actually do build one. Yeah I know people can order from the website but I'd rather build my own. But maybe I'll do something like this later on in life. Or see if any of the other tenets would be willing to participate.

In other news
So yesterday was the Summer Solstice. Did I do anything like I wanted to? Nope. What was going to happen was my aunt came up so I was going to drive Mom to work, do whatever, pick up Mom, and then we were going to go see her. As I'm driving Mom to work we get a flat. As after we took care of that I just went back to bed. Then while I was asleep Mom somehow got a second flat. So yeah. It wasn't exactly a fun day. And to top that all off there's a shit storm coming because of what's going on with my grandpa. All I have to say is Mom's delusional and won't believe anyone when they say that Grandpa's memory's shot. Well getting there. I knew he was forgetting things but it wasn't until the last message that I got from my uncle that found out how bad it actually was. I didn't want to believe my uncle when he said that it would make me cry. Yeah that's something I hate doing. I hate crying. I see it as weakness within myself. While I don't care if others cry. I hate doing it myself. When others cry I want to help them. But if I'm the one crying I hate myself for it. Ok but back to what I was saying.
I felt sad last week when I was looking out the window with <Name Removed> toward the Marketing Office and VP apartments and he didn’t know what either of those buildings were and asked me about them. He told me he is having a hard time trying to remember his name let alone other people’s names and places. He did remind me he has ice cream in his freezer from the melon festival, not in those words but I completely understood what he was saying.
That's part of the message. I was supposed to pass it on to my mom but I haven't been able to bring myself to show it to her. She probably would try to deny it even if I did. I know it hurts her. My grandpa was so intelligent. So involved in the community. And I don't even know if my mom fully recovered from when we lost Grandma. So I can see why she would try to deny that anything's wrong with Grandpa. She doesn't want to loose the last person in her immediate family that she still has real contact with. Her sisters don't really talk to her much. I almost wonder if she kinda feels like my one aunt that dropped contact with everyone in the family.

But in other other news

Mwahahaha getting it stuck in your head now too. And yes I'm a Yu-gi-oh! fangirl. I had to do something so this wouldn't end on a sad note. So I chose to let that out. When it first came out I thought it was going to be stupid because it was a show about a card game. I only started watching because they mentioned Egypt. >.<; But anywho I need to get to bed. I think I have to take the car to go get the tire replaced later today.

Oh and I might be getting around to doing Round 2 of the Pagan Insights Project sometime soon to keep me posting.


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Update and Other Random Things

So for those wondering, my grandpa is doing better. I think he's out of the hospital. I say think because he was supposed to leave the other day and Mom hasn't said anything about him having to stay longer. Plus she was talking about the nursing home he's at and so on. They still haven't told me what it was. So I'm guessing my uncle was probably right when he said that Grandpa was just dehydrated. And then more drama with the extended family. Surprised my one aunt hasn't come up yet to find out what's going on.

On a different note though, I don't get why people have such a problem with Jehovah's Witnesses. I mean yes it'd be annoying them coming by all the time. But they're just doing what they have to do. Though I have heard some horror stories about encounters with Jehovah's Witnesses. But maybe I got a bit lucky with the two that stopped by yesterday. It was interesting to say the least. I've never actually talked to Jehovah's Witnesses before. We've been needing to fix our doorbell. Haven't exactly gotten around to it since when someone stops by they text the person saying they're outside or in the case of our landlady just knocks on the inside door. I live in a small apartment building where we keep the outside doors locked. So I had just gotten through the initial check everything on sites I go on and was about to start looking up stuff when the doorbell went off. I thought maybe our doorbell finally did get fixed and it was the landlady. She would ring the doorbell and then come knock on the door so we would know it was her. We had issues with ex-tenants "drunkingly" ringing our doorbell. Now where was I? Oh yeah. The doorbell going off. So I go out the door expecting to see the landlady. Nope. So I go to the outside door and see these two women. I'm all confused like "Did they want someone that lives upstairs? I don't know these people." Which has happened before. But talking to them they were nice. And I think I ended up catching them off guard. >.< They asked if I believed in God. And before I could even think or stop myself I said "Not your god." Which sparked an interesting conversation of them asking different questions about what I believed. I explained that I left Christianity because it didn't fit. I didn't feel like I was at home in it. And that I began searching for something that did give me that feeling. I think in the back of their minds might have been the "We must save this child!" Only because before leaving they said that they hoped that I would keep searching and find something better. Though I don't know. I could just be reading too far into it. They seemed a bit interested in the concept of ma'at. And it did seem like they were interested in learning. Maybe its because I told them that I was interested in learning. I want to know what I can before making some judgement about someone or something. Even though that doesn't always happen ^.^; I am human after all. I am looking forward to them coming back though. It would be interesting to sit down and talk to them.

But on the learning tangent, my mom. I swear. The other day we were driving past the college I attend. I ended up mentioning that the summer semester had just started Monday. And she got all sarcastic on me. Saying "Oh so I guess you lucked out on taking summer classes this year. How many months have you been a full time student?"
So my reply was "The full 16 weeks"
"How many months is that?"
"4, Mom."
"When did the semester end?"
"The end of April." (Technically the first week of May. I wasn't thinking about finals week since I only had one final after Shinboku Con. But it was still 4 months. 16/4=4)
"And when did it start?"
"January. That makes 4 months."
"You need to be a full time student for 5 months out of the year so I can claim you on my taxes."
"That's what the fall semester's for."
The thoughts running through my head were to not take any classes in the fall just to spite her. But then I'd lose my officer position in the club I'm in. That and Financial Aid is a pain when you miss a semester. Financial Aid is a pain to begin with in the first place.

Trying to think of something so I'm not ending on a rant. I want to end on a positive note. Well I could say how me and a group of friends are going to Colossal Con later today. Body woke me up a little after 5 this morning. I had my alarm set for 8. OTZ Anywho. Colossal Con aside. I really don't know. TT.TT I haven't been reading as much as I want to. Though I am starting to fall back into it. Even if it is just to clean out a few of my bookmarks. I have a few pages marked just so I could copy stuff down after reading it. Which reminds me, I need to go through my flash drive sometime. I've got stuff on there I haven't read yet either. OTZ Random note, it would be hilarious if I could make some of these random musings into little videos. I would love to try to show you guys the little images flashing through my head as I type some of this stuff. Hmm... I might try that now. Find stuff to put a mock video together. But that'll have to wait until later. I have to get ready soon and I'm gonna be busy all day.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Yes I'm Still Alive

*Warning* This blog post will probably be depressing. Just my thoughts on shit that's going on. Sorry if you were looking for something more formal? Is that the word I'm looking for? Either way. Probably nothing completely interesting.

Obviously I'm still alive. I did get better. Haven't really been able to just sit down and type something out. I did find some interesting stuff. Just didn't think about blogging about it. I half don't want to post about what's going through my head right now but I need to get it out. I have a bad habit of keeping shit in and letting it eat me up.

So yesterday when I got up my sister told me that I needed to tell Mom if I was going to go to lawn bowling or not. I hadn't gone the last couple times because I was sick or just didn't feel up to it. Yesterday I still wasn't feeling up to it so I texted Mom telling her that I wasn't going to go so she didn't have to drive by and pick me up after picking up Grandpa. I just did my normal thing of sitting on Gaia and looking up random stuff. I forget what I was reading yesterday. Oh yeah I was in a friend chat yesterday and playing on Sims Social. Yesterday was a slack off day. But I had noticed that Mom hadn't come home at the time we usually would have after dropping Grandpa off. So I thought that she stopped over at one of her friends' houses like we had done the last time I had gone with them. I finally get a text from her after midnight that she was on her way home and was going to explain. I was thinking "Ok? Explain what? That you went over to a friend's house after? Why would you need to explain that to me?" So she finally gets home and does her usual thing and then walks into my room. She was all "What? No why are you home after lawn bowling so late?" I was thinking she was joking around, giving me a hard time because I didn't go to lawn bowling. I told her that she said she was going to explain so why did I need to ask. Then she just looked at me. I'm still thinking she's playing around so I half mockingly asked why she was home so late. That's when she told me that Grandpa had been taken to the hospital. I still don't know exactly when. All I know was that it was sometime before Mom went to go get him for lawn bowling because she had gone to go get him and he wasn't there. I'm still not sure if I even have the full story of what's going on with him. What I have is that he was having bathroom issues and at the hospital they took a CT and found lesions on his brain. I only found out a couple hours ago that "cancer" had been mentioned. And my mom wasn't even talking to me when she had said that. Today she dragged me to the hospital to go see him. I didn't want to go because hospitals make me antsy and dizzy and that whole avoidance thing. I didn't want anything to do with what was going on. But I ended up going anyway. Afterwards, Mom wanted to go over to one of her friends' house. So we stopped so she could talk to him. It was when she was talking to the adults that were there (the one women has two younger boys) that she mentioned that cancer had been thrown out there. My thoughts were "What? Couldn't just give it to me straight? Or do you think I'm only good for ranting about other shit to?" My mom had gone on a ranting tirade about some of the stuff my aunt was saying while they were all at the hospital yesterday instead of telling me everything that had gone on with Grandpa. So yeah. We're still waiting to figure out what's going on. The doctors lost the CT results.

Well now that I've got that all out I'm just going to crank up the music and find something to distract me. Maybe I'll play some Pokemon. Or paint my nails. I've been wanting to paint my nails for a few days now. I think I'll do that.

Well if you did read through this whole post, I'm not looking for sympathy. I just needed to get it out. Like I said back in my O.O Why Haven't I Posted Anything? post I try to avoid things. I also try to keep things in so I don't feel like I'm just being a burden to others. I'm trying to get things out instead of keeping them bottled and eating me from the inside.