Pagan Insights Project Version 3

**This is a draft that I had saved from November 27th, 2012. Thought I'd leave this here for those wondering a bit of what happened between my last post and now. While it doesn't cover everything. It is still something that happened. I'm not going to bother to try to complete it since that'd be changing the mindset of the post. Enjoy**

So I know I've fallen behind. There really is no excuse for it. Semester's almost over (YAY!). Job sucks. Life's been pretty much the same. So to try to get me back into the swing of things I decided its time for another PIP post! *cheers*

* In Your Own Words

I am a slacker. I'm forgetful. I put things off and then I don't think about it until its really too late to do anything or I'm in the middle of something and I don't drop what I'm doing to go do that. But then with me getting sick I'm all "Blarg... Can't do anything now..." I also tend to bury myself in so many different projects. A while ago I planned on making everyone something for Christmas. Now on top of that I want to crochet myself a scoodie. And I want to read. And. And. And. What I really need to do is start really structuring my life. Then my religious studies won't go to the wayside either.

* Post A Pic

Interplay of Life

This image. I don't really know if I really can describe what it is about this image. Its just so true. And sometime people seem to forget that. I know I have a hard time sometimes remembering that when I hit rock bottom.

* Musical Musings

There was this one song that I was going to post here. But I can't remember what it was now.

Getting Back into the Swing of Things

Wow. Last September was the last time I posted? Where the hell did all that time go? At least now I'm back. I'm going to try to start posting here again. If anything, just to keep track of my thoughts and record my progress. To get started again I'm gonna to at least try to post a PIP version every month and after my finals record my thoughts in that 30 Days of Paganism meme thing. I may or may not create a second blog to keep track of my "witchier" type things since that's separate from my Kemetic practice. For now I may just keep it in this one, even its just so there's activity in this blog.

So I've got homework I should be doing. So I'll just leave you with music I found when I was looking for music to use for the Cosplay Contest at Shinboku Con this year.

Sadly I didn't get to use this one during the contest. If I remember right I only got through SS Anne starting from the beginning of the album.

Pagan Insights Project Version 2

Well eheheheh ^.^;
Yeah I kinda forgot about this for a while. Not just PIP but my blog in general. I forget what all was going on between now and the last time I posted but school started last week. I've been on and off writing letters to my sister. And have been elder sitting couple days a week. I think I would have preferred the job at Michaels. I think it was because I was going back to school that I didn't get that one and they were looking for more full time people. Or that my classes leaked into all the shifts. I knew I should have just made it so I had my classes spread out over the week. But nope. I just had to listen to everyone else and try to compact them all into two days. Tried. One of my classes was only available three days a week. Ok but now that the update's all said and done on to the PIP stuff!

* In Your Own Words
All I have to say is that I feel like I have been slacking. Its like I have some kind of block that's hard to climb over right now. I had started a guild on Gaiaonline back in January with the thought in mind that I can help others learn and use it as kind of that extra driving force to keep me studying. But so was the PBP when I was still doing that. While I lost interest in PBP I still kinda had the guild to help me a bit. But even now I'm kinda only half assing it, it feels. I get through answering half the questions I've gotten and then lose all motivation for it again (sorry guys). I still have sites open for when I finally get the motivation to go back and answer the rest of the questions. And that was before classes started up again. Now that classes started I don't know how I'm going to feel about putting any energy toward anything dealing with my path. There were quite a few things I was going to do for Set and Nebt Het's birthdays and Wep Ronpet but never got around to it. I still want to be useful to Them but I'm at a point where I feel like I slipped into a hole and don't know how to get myself out of it. I used to try to talk to at least Djehuty before going to bed and I haven't done that in so long. So that's kinda where I'm at right now.

* Post A Pic
Well I would if I could. The image that sticks out in my mind right now is one that I've been meaning to draw for a while now but would start, doubt my abilities, and then give up. So I'll just explain the image. :P
The image I want to try to put on paper is me laying in bed with Djehuty leaning over me. I keep getting reminded of the image every time I hear that "Never forget" from Him. I want to try to get it out to show my devotion that while I might not be doing anything productive, in one of my dark places, or something else that it may not seem like I believe in Them, that I do remember that They're still there. Waiting.

* Musical Musings

I'm pretty sure I've said somewhere that I have nothing against Christian music. Either way I've found interviews where Lifehouse won't classify their music as Christian Rock anywho. But right now this song sticks out to me. Its kinda like "Hey dumb ass get your ass in gear if you want to feel this way again."

*Action, Action
Well I finally got around to cleaning up my shrine. I was going to do that for Wep Ronpet. And I moved things around a bit on it too. I'll try to post pictures of it some time.

* Eureka!
Um... Well... I'll have to get back to you guys on this one. As I've said I've hit a block. I haven't really been reading much Pagan wise. Well I should say that I haven't learned anything new from what I've been reading. I've started reading What Thou Wilt by Jon Hanna but haven't gotten that far yet. So hopefully I actually have something next time around for this.

Eheheheh ^.^;

Sorry for not posting in little over a month. I just never really had the motivation to post anything. Well ok I had thought about making a post about Wep Ronpet since it is that time of the year. I had started gathering information for it and then I just lost all motivation. But quick update for those who are wondering, I have a car again! Woot! My sister's plane left at 6pm July 23rd. Mom cried. My sister's boyfriend looked like he wanted to. Some people ask me how I'm doing since she left. All that would go through my mind was "It was like she left even before that." She had basically moved out after she graduated. And with already conflicting schedules before that we wouldn't really see each other much. Doesn't mean I don't miss her. I do miss her. I will admit that I had cried at the airport. But that was only when I gave her a hug right before she boarded her plane. But yeah. We got a letter from her Friday. Mom did a happy dance. Then got all emotional reading it because of some of the things that were said.

I got all my classes scheduled for the fall semester. It tired to get all my classes to be Mondays and Wednesdays so I wouldn't have to worry about missing class for when we fly down to see my sister in October. But my one class was only Mondays, Wednesdays, AND Fridays. I was like "WTF? What is this?" I'm still on the hunt for a job. I didn't really want to have to work at a fast food place. But it seems to be the only places hiring. I'm hoping Michael's or Pat Catan's is hiring. But based on the look I got when I turned in the application at one Pat Catan's they're not hiring and the other Pat Catan's I went to flat out told me they weren't. I have no idea on Michael's because all I got told was "Just apply online." Its like "O...k...?" It doesn't even list if anything's open or not. It just sends you straight to the application. Eh. C'est la vie. Not much I can do about that but hope I find something.

Oh speaking of Wep Ronpet. WHY DID IT HAVE TO SNEAK UP ON ME?! I was all on top of that shit before my sister left. Also tomorrow is Set's birthday. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Oh well. I'll figure something out.

Happy Birthday Heru-Ur! And Happy Belated Brithday Asar!

Holy Ra!

Wow. I guess that's what I get for not checking my blog in a couple days. 11 views back on the first? (Wow I must sound pathetic) Now I feel bad for not posting anything since June 21st. But I haven't really had anything interesting to talk about. Things have been getting rough with my grandpa being moved to the Alzheimer's unit at the nursing home he was at and Mom being under the delusion that he should still be in the independent living. And on top of that my sister leaving for basic training in now 20 days. Yeah I was informed yesterday after dropping my grandpa off after lawn bowling that I will be going to church on the 22nd so we can pray for her. >.> Its like you can pray without me there. You don't even need her there either (I was told she had to go too). I can do my own praying thank you. I have nice conversations when I do it too. Plus with the way my sister is I don't think she would be quite happy with people praying for her anyway. Either that or she really doesn't care. She just kinda blows off topics I want to talk about but I have to engage her in her topics and listen to her rant about every little thing that pissed her off. Eh. Like it really matters. Can't really stop my mom and her friends from doing it anyway. So do I want to see if I can stay up for almost 48 hours that weekend? I probably won't sleep at all that Saturday night. And with my sleeping habits I'm up all night Sunday night for no reason. >.< Yeah, I know. That's not good.

But in other news, I'm hopefully going to be starting a video series. I won't post much about it on here if I do get it started since its going to be video game related. I'll make a tumblr for it or something if I do want to blog it or not. But I say hopefully because I was going to start last night. I had gotten it all set up. Ran a test run to adjust the audio on it. Was about to go live since I was using Livestream. And then I backed out. v.v I'm gonna try again tonight and hope I don't back out this time. I might do a quick run through first since my first set of videos is going to be Nuzlocke Pokemon SoulSilver. And I've never played with Nuzlocke rules before. Or I might read. I haven't read in a while. I tried to earlier today but it was when we were up at the lake and one of the couples brought their granddaughter. And for some reason kids won't leave me alone.

Ya know. Reading sounds like a wonderful idea right now. It'll help me get my mind off the stressful things and hopefully get me back on track. I know I'm starting to fold under the emotional stress coming from my sister leaving and what's going on with my grandpa and Mom not liking either of them. Most days anymore when I go to sleep I never want to wake up. Then I get At a Glance running through my head. Anyway. I'm gonna read for a bit. Then go to bed. Since I haven't slept yet.

So for your listening pleasure:

Senebty

Little Free Libraries

I swear. Every year after going to the Duck Tape Festival I want to make stuff out of duct tape. I almost have a project finished. I just need to add a strap to it. And I might try adding pockets if I have enough tape left over. Its all purple because my mom stole my silver. But I've been thinking about making different things and hoping to be able to sell them. My next project after I get more tape is to try to make a Pokemon messenger bag or notebooks where instead of card board its tape and then sewing it all together. So I randomly wandered onto Etsy to see what kind of Duck brand duct tape stuff was being listed and ran across this. I saw the word library and I had to stop and read it. The more I read the more I wanted to do it. So I went over to the Little Free Library website. But as I was reading, I stopped and realized I wouldn't have many books to put in it. I do have to admit that I am a bit of a book hoarder. Looking at my bookcase I'd have one book that I would be willing to put in my Little Free Library if I actually do build one. Yeah I know people can order from the website but I'd rather build my own. But maybe I'll do something like this later on in life. Or see if any of the other tenets would be willing to participate.

In other news

So yesterday was the Summer Solstice. Did I do anything like I wanted to? Nope. What was going to happen was my aunt came up so I was going to drive Mom to work, do whatever, pick up Mom, and then we were going to go see her. As I'm driving Mom to work we get a flat. As after we took care of that I just went back to bed. Then while I was asleep Mom somehow got a second flat. So yeah. It wasn't exactly a fun day. And to top that all off there's a shit storm coming because of what's going on with my grandpa. All I have to say is Mom's delusional and won't believe anyone when they say that Grandpa's memory's shot. Well getting there. I knew he was forgetting things but it wasn't until the last message that I got from my uncle that found out how bad it actually was. I didn't want to believe my uncle when he said that it would make me cry. Yeah that's something I hate doing. I hate crying. I see it as weakness within myself. While I don't care if others cry. I hate doing it myself. When others cry I want to help them. But if I'm the one crying I hate myself for it. Ok but back to what I was saying.

I felt sad last week when I was looking out the window with <Name Removed> toward the Marketing Office and VP apartments and he didn’t know what either of those buildings were and asked me about them. He told me he is having a hard time trying to remember his name let alone other people’s names and places. He did remind me he has ice cream in his freezer from the melon festival, not in those words but I completely understood what he was saying.

That's part of the message. I was supposed to pass it on to my mom but I haven't been able to bring myself to show it to her. She probably would try to deny it even if I did. I know it hurts her. My grandpa was so intelligent. So involved in the community. And I don't even know if my mom fully recovered from when we lost Grandma. So I can see why she would try to deny that anything's wrong with Grandpa. She doesn't want to loose the last person in her immediate family that she still has real contact with. Her sisters don't really talk to her much. I almost wonder if she kinda feels like my one aunt that dropped contact with everyone in the family.

But in other other news

I CAN'T GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Mwahahaha getting it stuck in your head now too. And yes I'm a Yu-gi-oh! fangirl. I had to do something so this wouldn't end on a sad note. So I chose to let that out. When it first came out I thought it was going to be stupid because it was a show about a card game. I only started watching because they mentioned Egypt. >.<; But anywho I need to get to bed. I think I have to take the car to go get the tire replaced later today.

Oh and I might be getting around to doing Round 2 of the Pagan Insights Project sometime soon to keep me posting.

Senetby

Update and Other Random Things

So for those wondering, my grandpa is doing better. I think he's out of the hospital. I say think because he was supposed to leave the other day and Mom hasn't said anything about him having to stay longer. Plus she was talking about the nursing home he's at and so on. They still haven't told me what it was. So I'm guessing my uncle was probably right when he said that Grandpa was just dehydrated. And then more drama with the extended family. Surprised my one aunt hasn't come up yet to find out what's going on.

On a different note though, I don't get why people have such a problem with Jehovah's Witnesses. I mean yes it'd be annoying them coming by all the time. But they're just doing what they have to do. Though I have heard some horror stories about encounters with Jehovah's Witnesses. But maybe I got a bit lucky with the two that stopped by yesterday. It was interesting to say the least. I've never actually talked to Jehovah's Witnesses before. We've been needing to fix our doorbell. Haven't exactly gotten around to it since when someone stops by they text the person saying they're outside or in the case of our landlady just knocks on the inside door. I live in a small apartment building where we keep the outside doors locked. So I had just gotten through the initial check everything on sites I go on and was about to start looking up stuff when the doorbell went off. I thought maybe our doorbell finally did get fixed and it was the landlady. She would ring the doorbell and then come knock on the door so we would know it was her. We had issues with ex-tenants "drunkingly" ringing our doorbell. Now where was I? Oh yeah. The doorbell going off. So I go out the door expecting to see the landlady. Nope. So I go to the outside door and see these two women. I'm all confused like "Did they want someone that lives upstairs? I don't know these people." Which has happened before. But talking to them they were nice. And I think I ended up catching them off guard. >.< They asked if I believed in God. And before I could even think or stop myself I said "Not your god." Which sparked an interesting conversation of them asking different questions about what I believed. I explained that I left Christianity because it didn't fit. I didn't feel like I was at home in it. And that I began searching for something that did give me that feeling. I think in the back of their minds might have been the "We must save this child!" Only because before leaving they said that they hoped that I would keep searching and find something better. Though I don't know. I could just be reading too far into it. They seemed a bit interested in the concept of ma'at. And it did seem like they were interested in learning. Maybe its because I told them that I was interested in learning. I want to know what I can before making some judgement about someone or something. Even though that doesn't always happen ^.^; I am human after all. I am looking forward to them coming back though. It would be interesting to sit down and talk to them.

But on the learning tangent, my mom. I swear. The other day we were driving past the college I attend. I ended up mentioning that the summer semester had just started Monday. And she got all sarcastic on me. Saying "Oh so I guess you lucked out on taking summer classes this year. How many months have you been a full time student?"
So my reply was "The full 16 weeks"
"How many months is that?"
"4, Mom."
"When did the semester end?"
"The end of April." (Technically the first week of May. I wasn't thinking about finals week since I only had one final after Shinboku Con. But it was still 4 months. 16/4=4)
"And when did it start?"
"January. That makes 4 months."
"You need to be a full time student for 5 months out of the year so I can claim you on my taxes."
"That's what the fall semester's for."
The thoughts running through my head were to not take any classes in the fall just to spite her. But then I'd lose my officer position in the club I'm in. That and Financial Aid is a pain when you miss a semester. Financial Aid is a pain to begin with in the first place.
/endMomrant

Trying to think of something so I'm not ending on a rant. I want to end on a positive note. Well I could say how me and a group of friends are going to Colossal Con later today. Body woke me up a little after 5 this morning. I had my alarm set for 8. OTZ Anywho. Colossal Con aside. I really don't know. TT.TT I haven't been reading as much as I want to. Though I am starting to fall back into it. Even if it is just to clean out a few of my bookmarks. I have a few pages marked just so I could copy stuff down after reading it. Which reminds me, I need to go through my flash drive sometime. I've got stuff on there I haven't read yet either. OTZ Random note, it would be hilarious if I could make some of these random musings into little videos. I would love to try to show you guys the little images flashing through my head as I type some of this stuff. Hmm... I might try that now. Find stuff to put a mock video together. But that'll have to wait until later. I have to get ready soon and I'm gonna be busy all day.

Senetby