PIP v5

* In Your Own Words
I will set a periodic practice. I need to stop slipping. I want to prove that I'm worth something to someone physical or not.

* Post A Pic

http://www.deviantart.com/art/stormy-night-121481698

Because I'm a derp on using the app.

Kinda goes with some UPG on Sunday. I was getting the push I needed again from Djehuty to go contact someone again. Though I wonder if I can get some help on this one this time.

* Musical Musings

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/afi/adeepslowpanic.html

I'm giving you guys the link to the lyrics because there's only live versions on YouTube and I would have preferred album versions. But with AFI doing a contest for a single cover for this song I think they may be making a video for it.

Anywho, while this song doesn't get stuck in my head like other songs do right now it fits. This song gives me a sense of floundering. And lately I've been feeling that way.

*Action, Action
I did some clean up of my shrine Sunday. Got the spiritual 2x4 that it needed to be done. I still have a bit of cleaning to do for it. I also want to make some stuff for it. Eventually I'll get bowls for it like I had planned for when I bought other stuff for it a while back. At least I can still give offerings.

* Eureka!
I need to learn when to keep my big mouth shut.

Goodbye World, Hello Kalos

Well I wish I could say that. I'm tired of all the school work. Pokémon Gen VI just had to come out over the weekend. Make it even harder for me to get motivated to do any homework. *eye roll*

Anywho, so I've been debating on either starting a new blog or just getting/making a new journal. I know I have unhealthy habits. One that I've been getting poked at to work on is my emotions. I bottle everything. And I know I can't keep doing that. So last night I decided I need to start recording what I bottle up. I need to get it out.

So between classes I went to the bookstore and got a journal. I personally like writing better. Harder for me to erase. Easier for me to hide. There's stuff that I need to get out but I just don't want anyone else to see. Maybe at some point some of the stuff I will share because I'm going to record everything. Everything that comes to mind.

Well class is about to start. So this will be all for today. Got a final and speech to write when I get home after work today. Joy.

PIP v4

* In Your Own Words
Screw everything! I just feel like I've been wasting my time with everything pagan and spiritual related. What's the point of me wasting my time when I feel like I'm not getting anywhere? I try to do something and it fails or backfires in my face somehow. Its like "Tell me what I should be doing so I'm not just wandering aimlessly!" But then again I either just can't hear or I doubt myself.

* Post A Pic

Silent Melody by trichardsen
The only thing right now that can still give me some kind of peace of mind. At least that's one thing I haven't lost. Being able to look up at the moon, whether day or night, and it giving me this sense of calm.

* Musical Musings

Kinda goes with the rage that's been building from what I touched in the In Your Own Words. But there's been other stuff that it just feels like I was just being used and then tossed aside when they finally got what they really wanted.

*Action, Action
Well right now two of my friends and I are working on this project. Its the one that I kind of hinted at in my previous blog post. I hope that it'll work out. But I've been doubting how well it will do.

* Eureka!
If you want something done right, do it yourself.

Q&A a Day + Rant

Yay my forgetful mind right? Well Sept 26th question was for the end of the day. Then I forgot about it. Then I kept forgetting and then I got sick. Still kinda sick but I'm just waiting for my nose to drain. And I've been debating on I I want to take NyQuil tonight or not. Gotta love NyQuil induced nightmares.

But people. I really hate the human race and always have wished I wasn't human. How ignorant people are to even the simplest things is so horrifying. Or how half assed things are done. I find myself thinking "What the hell were you thinking?" way too often.

That phrase "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." comes to mind. But then the issue of "Well how the hell am I supposed to do that?" comes up. I know what I would improve on. But how am I supposed to do everything else that goes with it. I could read everything under the sun. But that doesn't mean shit if I don't know how to put that into practice.

I just hope that I'm not going to be wasting my time and my friends' time as we get this project rolling. I just hope that its not going to back fire on me.

Sorry Peeps

Oh gods. Where did the year go?

Ok so I'm setting a goal for myself. Yesterday I got this Q&A a Day journal. And because I'm anal about starting in the middle I'm gonna start it here. Each day has a different question. And its a very pretty book. Oh hey. I was able to find it on Amazon. So I'll be posting that stuff here in hopes that when I can finally get back to my Kemetic studies I'll actually post something here.

So today's question: Do you plan, or are you flying by the seat of your pants?

I'm a little bit of both. I make a general plan but then fine details are on the fly. I know it pisses off people that I do that but generally I really don't care.

Pagan Insights Project Version 3

**This is a draft that I had saved from November 27th, 2012. Thought I'd leave this here for those wondering a bit of what happened between my last post and now. While it doesn't cover everything. It is still something that happened. I'm not going to bother to try to complete it since that'd be changing the mindset of the post. Enjoy**

So I know I've fallen behind. There really is no excuse for it. Semester's almost over (YAY!). Job sucks. Life's been pretty much the same. So to try to get me back into the swing of things I decided its time for another PIP post! *cheers*

* In Your Own Words

I am a slacker. I'm forgetful. I put things off and then I don't think about it until its really too late to do anything or I'm in the middle of something and I don't drop what I'm doing to go do that. But then with me getting sick I'm all "Blarg... Can't do anything now..." I also tend to bury myself in so many different projects. A while ago I planned on making everyone something for Christmas. Now on top of that I want to crochet myself a scoodie. And I want to read. And. And. And. What I really need to do is start really structuring my life. Then my religious studies won't go to the wayside either.

* Post A Pic

Interplay of Life

This image. I don't really know if I really can describe what it is about this image. Its just so true. And sometime people seem to forget that. I know I have a hard time sometimes remembering that when I hit rock bottom.

* Musical Musings

There was this one song that I was going to post here. But I can't remember what it was now.

Getting Back into the Swing of Things

Wow. Last September was the last time I posted? Where the hell did all that time go? At least now I'm back. I'm going to try to start posting here again. If anything, just to keep track of my thoughts and record my progress. To get started again I'm gonna to at least try to post a PIP version every month and after my finals record my thoughts in that 30 Days of Paganism meme thing. I may or may not create a second blog to keep track of my "witchier" type things since that's separate from my Kemetic practice. For now I may just keep it in this one, even its just so there's activity in this blog.

So I've got homework I should be doing. So I'll just leave you with music I found when I was looking for music to use for the Cosplay Contest at Shinboku Con this year.

Sadly I didn't get to use this one during the contest. If I remember right I only got through SS Anne starting from the beginning of the album.

Pagan Insights Project Version 2

Well eheheheh ^.^;
Yeah I kinda forgot about this for a while. Not just PIP but my blog in general. I forget what all was going on between now and the last time I posted but school started last week. I've been on and off writing letters to my sister. And have been elder sitting couple days a week. I think I would have preferred the job at Michaels. I think it was because I was going back to school that I didn't get that one and they were looking for more full time people. Or that my classes leaked into all the shifts. I knew I should have just made it so I had my classes spread out over the week. But nope. I just had to listen to everyone else and try to compact them all into two days. Tried. One of my classes was only available three days a week. Ok but now that the update's all said and done on to the PIP stuff!

* In Your Own Words
All I have to say is that I feel like I have been slacking. Its like I have some kind of block that's hard to climb over right now. I had started a guild on Gaiaonline back in January with the thought in mind that I can help others learn and use it as kind of that extra driving force to keep me studying. But so was the PBP when I was still doing that. While I lost interest in PBP I still kinda had the guild to help me a bit. But even now I'm kinda only half assing it, it feels. I get through answering half the questions I've gotten and then lose all motivation for it again (sorry guys). I still have sites open for when I finally get the motivation to go back and answer the rest of the questions. And that was before classes started up again. Now that classes started I don't know how I'm going to feel about putting any energy toward anything dealing with my path. There were quite a few things I was going to do for Set and Nebt Het's birthdays and Wep Ronpet but never got around to it. I still want to be useful to Them but I'm at a point where I feel like I slipped into a hole and don't know how to get myself out of it. I used to try to talk to at least Djehuty before going to bed and I haven't done that in so long. So that's kinda where I'm at right now.

* Post A Pic
Well I would if I could. The image that sticks out in my mind right now is one that I've been meaning to draw for a while now but would start, doubt my abilities, and then give up. So I'll just explain the image. :P
The image I want to try to put on paper is me laying in bed with Djehuty leaning over me. I keep getting reminded of the image every time I hear that "Never forget" from Him. I want to try to get it out to show my devotion that while I might not be doing anything productive, in one of my dark places, or something else that it may not seem like I believe in Them, that I do remember that They're still there. Waiting.

* Musical Musings

I'm pretty sure I've said somewhere that I have nothing against Christian music. Either way I've found interviews where Lifehouse won't classify their music as Christian Rock anywho. But right now this song sticks out to me. Its kinda like "Hey dumb ass get your ass in gear if you want to feel this way again."

*Action, Action
Well I finally got around to cleaning up my shrine. I was going to do that for Wep Ronpet. And I moved things around a bit on it too. I'll try to post pictures of it some time.

* Eureka!
Um... Well... I'll have to get back to you guys on this one. As I've said I've hit a block. I haven't really been reading much Pagan wise. Well I should say that I haven't learned anything new from what I've been reading. I've started reading What Thou Wilt by Jon Hanna but haven't gotten that far yet. So hopefully I actually have something next time around for this.

Eheheheh ^.^;

Sorry for not posting in little over a month. I just never really had the motivation to post anything. Well ok I had thought about making a post about Wep Ronpet since it is that time of the year. I had started gathering information for it and then I just lost all motivation. But quick update for those who are wondering, I have a car again! Woot! My sister's plane left at 6pm July 23rd. Mom cried. My sister's boyfriend looked like he wanted to. Some people ask me how I'm doing since she left. All that would go through my mind was "It was like she left even before that." She had basically moved out after she graduated. And with already conflicting schedules before that we wouldn't really see each other much. Doesn't mean I don't miss her. I do miss her. I will admit that I had cried at the airport. But that was only when I gave her a hug right before she boarded her plane. But yeah. We got a letter from her Friday. Mom did a happy dance. Then got all emotional reading it because of some of the things that were said.

I got all my classes scheduled for the fall semester. It tired to get all my classes to be Mondays and Wednesdays so I wouldn't have to worry about missing class for when we fly down to see my sister in October. But my one class was only Mondays, Wednesdays, AND Fridays. I was like "WTF? What is this?" I'm still on the hunt for a job. I didn't really want to have to work at a fast food place. But it seems to be the only places hiring. I'm hoping Michael's or Pat Catan's is hiring. But based on the look I got when I turned in the application at one Pat Catan's they're not hiring and the other Pat Catan's I went to flat out told me they weren't. I have no idea on Michael's because all I got told was "Just apply online." Its like "O...k...?" It doesn't even list if anything's open or not. It just sends you straight to the application. Eh. C'est la vie. Not much I can do about that but hope I find something.

Oh speaking of Wep Ronpet. WHY DID IT HAVE TO SNEAK UP ON ME?! I was all on top of that shit before my sister left. Also tomorrow is Set's birthday. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Oh well. I'll figure something out.

Happy Birthday Heru-Ur! And Happy Belated Brithday Asar!

Holy Ra!

Wow. I guess that's what I get for not checking my blog in a couple days. 11 views back on the first? (Wow I must sound pathetic) Now I feel bad for not posting anything since June 21st. But I haven't really had anything interesting to talk about. Things have been getting rough with my grandpa being moved to the Alzheimer's unit at the nursing home he was at and Mom being under the delusion that he should still be in the independent living. And on top of that my sister leaving for basic training in now 20 days. Yeah I was informed yesterday after dropping my grandpa off after lawn bowling that I will be going to church on the 22nd so we can pray for her. >.> Its like you can pray without me there. You don't even need her there either (I was told she had to go too). I can do my own praying thank you. I have nice conversations when I do it too. Plus with the way my sister is I don't think she would be quite happy with people praying for her anyway. Either that or she really doesn't care. She just kinda blows off topics I want to talk about but I have to engage her in her topics and listen to her rant about every little thing that pissed her off. Eh. Like it really matters. Can't really stop my mom and her friends from doing it anyway. So do I want to see if I can stay up for almost 48 hours that weekend? I probably won't sleep at all that Saturday night. And with my sleeping habits I'm up all night Sunday night for no reason. >.< Yeah, I know. That's not good.

But in other news, I'm hopefully going to be starting a video series. I won't post much about it on here if I do get it started since its going to be video game related. I'll make a tumblr for it or something if I do want to blog it or not. But I say hopefully because I was going to start last night. I had gotten it all set up. Ran a test run to adjust the audio on it. Was about to go live since I was using Livestream. And then I backed out. v.v I'm gonna try again tonight and hope I don't back out this time. I might do a quick run through first since my first set of videos is going to be Nuzlocke Pokemon SoulSilver. And I've never played with Nuzlocke rules before. Or I might read. I haven't read in a while. I tried to earlier today but it was when we were up at the lake and one of the couples brought their granddaughter. And for some reason kids won't leave me alone.

Ya know. Reading sounds like a wonderful idea right now. It'll help me get my mind off the stressful things and hopefully get me back on track. I know I'm starting to fold under the emotional stress coming from my sister leaving and what's going on with my grandpa and Mom not liking either of them. Most days anymore when I go to sleep I never want to wake up. Then I get At a Glance running through my head. Anyway. I'm gonna read for a bit. Then go to bed. Since I haven't slept yet.

So for your listening pleasure:

Senebty

Little Free Libraries

I swear. Every year after going to the Duck Tape Festival I want to make stuff out of duct tape. I almost have a project finished. I just need to add a strap to it. And I might try adding pockets if I have enough tape left over. Its all purple because my mom stole my silver. But I've been thinking about making different things and hoping to be able to sell them. My next project after I get more tape is to try to make a Pokemon messenger bag or notebooks where instead of card board its tape and then sewing it all together. So I randomly wandered onto Etsy to see what kind of Duck brand duct tape stuff was being listed and ran across this. I saw the word library and I had to stop and read it. The more I read the more I wanted to do it. So I went over to the Little Free Library website. But as I was reading, I stopped and realized I wouldn't have many books to put in it. I do have to admit that I am a bit of a book hoarder. Looking at my bookcase I'd have one book that I would be willing to put in my Little Free Library if I actually do build one. Yeah I know people can order from the website but I'd rather build my own. But maybe I'll do something like this later on in life. Or see if any of the other tenets would be willing to participate.

In other news

So yesterday was the Summer Solstice. Did I do anything like I wanted to? Nope. What was going to happen was my aunt came up so I was going to drive Mom to work, do whatever, pick up Mom, and then we were going to go see her. As I'm driving Mom to work we get a flat. As after we took care of that I just went back to bed. Then while I was asleep Mom somehow got a second flat. So yeah. It wasn't exactly a fun day. And to top that all off there's a shit storm coming because of what's going on with my grandpa. All I have to say is Mom's delusional and won't believe anyone when they say that Grandpa's memory's shot. Well getting there. I knew he was forgetting things but it wasn't until the last message that I got from my uncle that found out how bad it actually was. I didn't want to believe my uncle when he said that it would make me cry. Yeah that's something I hate doing. I hate crying. I see it as weakness within myself. While I don't care if others cry. I hate doing it myself. When others cry I want to help them. But if I'm the one crying I hate myself for it. Ok but back to what I was saying.

I felt sad last week when I was looking out the window with <Name Removed> toward the Marketing Office and VP apartments and he didn’t know what either of those buildings were and asked me about them. He told me he is having a hard time trying to remember his name let alone other people’s names and places. He did remind me he has ice cream in his freezer from the melon festival, not in those words but I completely understood what he was saying.

That's part of the message. I was supposed to pass it on to my mom but I haven't been able to bring myself to show it to her. She probably would try to deny it even if I did. I know it hurts her. My grandpa was so intelligent. So involved in the community. And I don't even know if my mom fully recovered from when we lost Grandma. So I can see why she would try to deny that anything's wrong with Grandpa. She doesn't want to loose the last person in her immediate family that she still has real contact with. Her sisters don't really talk to her much. I almost wonder if she kinda feels like my one aunt that dropped contact with everyone in the family.

But in other other news

I CAN'T GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Mwahahaha getting it stuck in your head now too. And yes I'm a Yu-gi-oh! fangirl. I had to do something so this wouldn't end on a sad note. So I chose to let that out. When it first came out I thought it was going to be stupid because it was a show about a card game. I only started watching because they mentioned Egypt. >.<; But anywho I need to get to bed. I think I have to take the car to go get the tire replaced later today.

Oh and I might be getting around to doing Round 2 of the Pagan Insights Project sometime soon to keep me posting.

Senetby

Update and Other Random Things

So for those wondering, my grandpa is doing better. I think he's out of the hospital. I say think because he was supposed to leave the other day and Mom hasn't said anything about him having to stay longer. Plus she was talking about the nursing home he's at and so on. They still haven't told me what it was. So I'm guessing my uncle was probably right when he said that Grandpa was just dehydrated. And then more drama with the extended family. Surprised my one aunt hasn't come up yet to find out what's going on.

On a different note though, I don't get why people have such a problem with Jehovah's Witnesses. I mean yes it'd be annoying them coming by all the time. But they're just doing what they have to do. Though I have heard some horror stories about encounters with Jehovah's Witnesses. But maybe I got a bit lucky with the two that stopped by yesterday. It was interesting to say the least. I've never actually talked to Jehovah's Witnesses before. We've been needing to fix our doorbell. Haven't exactly gotten around to it since when someone stops by they text the person saying they're outside or in the case of our landlady just knocks on the inside door. I live in a small apartment building where we keep the outside doors locked. So I had just gotten through the initial check everything on sites I go on and was about to start looking up stuff when the doorbell went off. I thought maybe our doorbell finally did get fixed and it was the landlady. She would ring the doorbell and then come knock on the door so we would know it was her. We had issues with ex-tenants "drunkingly" ringing our doorbell. Now where was I? Oh yeah. The doorbell going off. So I go out the door expecting to see the landlady. Nope. So I go to the outside door and see these two women. I'm all confused like "Did they want someone that lives upstairs? I don't know these people." Which has happened before. But talking to them they were nice. And I think I ended up catching them off guard. >.< They asked if I believed in God. And before I could even think or stop myself I said "Not your god." Which sparked an interesting conversation of them asking different questions about what I believed. I explained that I left Christianity because it didn't fit. I didn't feel like I was at home in it. And that I began searching for something that did give me that feeling. I think in the back of their minds might have been the "We must save this child!" Only because before leaving they said that they hoped that I would keep searching and find something better. Though I don't know. I could just be reading too far into it. They seemed a bit interested in the concept of ma'at. And it did seem like they were interested in learning. Maybe its because I told them that I was interested in learning. I want to know what I can before making some judgement about someone or something. Even though that doesn't always happen ^.^; I am human after all. I am looking forward to them coming back though. It would be interesting to sit down and talk to them.

But on the learning tangent, my mom. I swear. The other day we were driving past the college I attend. I ended up mentioning that the summer semester had just started Monday. And she got all sarcastic on me. Saying "Oh so I guess you lucked out on taking summer classes this year. How many months have you been a full time student?"
So my reply was "The full 16 weeks"
"How many months is that?"
"4, Mom."
"When did the semester end?"
"The end of April." (Technically the first week of May. I wasn't thinking about finals week since I only had one final after Shinboku Con. But it was still 4 months. 16/4=4)
"And when did it start?"
"January. That makes 4 months."
"You need to be a full time student for 5 months out of the year so I can claim you on my taxes."
"That's what the fall semester's for."
The thoughts running through my head were to not take any classes in the fall just to spite her. But then I'd lose my officer position in the club I'm in. That and Financial Aid is a pain when you miss a semester. Financial Aid is a pain to begin with in the first place.
/endMomrant

Trying to think of something so I'm not ending on a rant. I want to end on a positive note. Well I could say how me and a group of friends are going to Colossal Con later today. Body woke me up a little after 5 this morning. I had my alarm set for 8. OTZ Anywho. Colossal Con aside. I really don't know. TT.TT I haven't been reading as much as I want to. Though I am starting to fall back into it. Even if it is just to clean out a few of my bookmarks. I have a few pages marked just so I could copy stuff down after reading it. Which reminds me, I need to go through my flash drive sometime. I've got stuff on there I haven't read yet either. OTZ Random note, it would be hilarious if I could make some of these random musings into little videos. I would love to try to show you guys the little images flashing through my head as I type some of this stuff. Hmm... I might try that now. Find stuff to put a mock video together. But that'll have to wait until later. I have to get ready soon and I'm gonna be busy all day.

Senetby

Yes I'm Still Alive

*Warning* This blog post will probably be depressing. Just my thoughts on shit that's going on. Sorry if you were looking for something more formal? Is that the word I'm looking for? Either way. Probably nothing completely interesting.

Obviously I'm still alive. I did get better. Haven't really been able to just sit down and type something out. I did find some interesting stuff. Just didn't think about blogging about it. I half don't want to post about what's going through my head right now but I need to get it out. I have a bad habit of keeping shit in and letting it eat me up.

So yesterday when I got up my sister told me that I needed to tell Mom if I was going to go to lawn bowling or not. I hadn't gone the last couple times because I was sick or just didn't feel up to it. Yesterday I still wasn't feeling up to it so I texted Mom telling her that I wasn't going to go so she didn't have to drive by and pick me up after picking up Grandpa. I just did my normal thing of sitting on Gaia and looking up random stuff. I forget what I was reading yesterday. Oh yeah I was in a friend chat yesterday and playing on Sims Social. Yesterday was a slack off day. But I had noticed that Mom hadn't come home at the time we usually would have after dropping Grandpa off. So I thought that she stopped over at one of her friends' houses like we had done the last time I had gone with them. I finally get a text from her after midnight that she was on her way home and was going to explain. I was thinking "Ok? Explain what? That you went over to a friend's house after? Why would you need to explain that to me?" So she finally gets home and does her usual thing and then walks into my room. She was all "What? No why are you home after lawn bowling so late?" I was thinking she was joking around, giving me a hard time because I didn't go to lawn bowling. I told her that she said she was going to explain so why did I need to ask. Then she just looked at me. I'm still thinking she's playing around so I half mockingly asked why she was home so late. That's when she told me that Grandpa had been taken to the hospital. I still don't know exactly when. All I know was that it was sometime before Mom went to go get him for lawn bowling because she had gone to go get him and he wasn't there. I'm still not sure if I even have the full story of what's going on with him. What I have is that he was having bathroom issues and at the hospital they took a CT and found lesions on his brain. I only found out a couple hours ago that "cancer" had been mentioned. And my mom wasn't even talking to me when she had said that. Today she dragged me to the hospital to go see him. I didn't want to go because hospitals make me antsy and dizzy and that whole avoidance thing. I didn't want anything to do with what was going on. But I ended up going anyway. Afterwards, Mom wanted to go over to one of her friends' house. So we stopped so she could talk to him. It was when she was talking to the adults that were there (the one women has two younger boys) that she mentioned that cancer had been thrown out there. My thoughts were "What? Couldn't just give it to me straight? Or do you think I'm only good for ranting about other shit to?" My mom had gone on a ranting tirade about some of the stuff my aunt was saying while they were all at the hospital yesterday instead of telling me everything that had gone on with Grandpa. So yeah. We're still waiting to figure out what's going on. The doctors lost the CT results.

Well now that I've got that all out I'm just going to crank up the music and find something to distract me. Maybe I'll play some Pokemon. Or paint my nails. I've been wanting to paint my nails for a few days now. I think I'll do that.

Well if you did read through this whole post, I'm not looking for sympathy. I just needed to get it out. Like I said back in my O.O Why Haven't I Posted Anything? post I try to avoid things. I also try to keep things in so I don't feel like I'm just being a burden to others. I'm trying to get things out instead of keeping them bottled and eating me from the inside.

And Now Back to Our "Regularly" Scheduled Posts

While now that I've got all the Insight Posts done for now, we can go back to my usual ramblings. Yay! I'm sure everyone's excited for that! *cricket cricket*

So anywho. I was going to post a couple days ago but I got sick and didn't really have anything interesting to blog about. The most I could think of was "Damn sore throat." But while I'm still a bit sick, I did find something that got my attention. Totally unrelated to Paganism but would still affect me since I do like to play video games from time to time. I wanna play Rock Band so bad. But my PS2 is a meanie head. But I could play Guitar Hero all I want. The eff PS2? Anywho, back to the original thought. Browsing the Gaiaonline guilds I'm in someone posted this article. Really? Ban the Xbox 360? While there weren't many posts in the thread that it was posted on because of the fact that its 3 in the morning (at least for the people in my timezone) on a weekday, one already thinks its actually going to happen and one doesn't. I'm kinda on the fence on this one. While I'll be sad that I'm gonna lose being able to play BlazBlue (TAO!), depending on how they do things, I'm not really going to lose much. I haven't really played with my 360. It ended up becoming my DVD player. But even then I can watch stuff on my laptop. Plus by the time they get things straightened out on what they're going to do I'll have my Wii again. I miss my shiny black Wii. And if you got any dirty thoughts because of that sentence shame on you. 'Cause that's not what ran through my head. What actually ran through my head was "Damn that sneeze hurt." But anywho, I could go on about my shiny Wii and how much fun I'll have with my mini purple controllers again. But 360. That's where we were. I actually kinda wonder what will happen with this. Will the 360 get banned? What will happen to the 360 only games if it does?

I'll return to my Pagan ramblings again. I wanted to post something to let people know I'm still alive.

Pagan Insights Project - Eureka!

* Eureka! - post about something new that you have learned, or discovered recently, that is related to your path or Paganism in general.

I've actually been learning a lot since I've been able to get my hands on books and have actually been able to read. One I found in Egyptian Mythology: A Guide to the Gods, Goddesses, and Traditions of Ancient Egypt by Geraldine Pinch. It was the Egyptologists argue over the origin of the conflict between Set and Heru myth. Though I've been finding out by reading Red Land, Black Land that they argue about other things as well. But some Egyptologists argue that the origin of the myth stemmed from the conflict between Ombos and Hierakonpolis where Set and a falcon god, respectively, was the local god. Though it was noted in the footnotes that even if that origin was true the function of the myth was purely religious in nature.

Finding out this information taught me more than what was on the surface. It opened my eyes. It showed me that we really don't know these myths or culture like I thought we did. While I knew that there were still pieces missing I had thought that we knew everything about what we did have. In school, it seemed like they were teaching us absolute truths. That what they taught us couldn't change (I still say Pluto is a planet damn it. I want My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. Not My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles). That we just build upon it to advance. So it was only natural that what I was able to find in doing research wasn't completely shrouded in mysteries still. That everything there was to know about that particular subject was already known.

If any of this makes any sense at all. I hope it does. If not leave me a comment and I'll try to explain better.

Pagan Insights Project - Action, Action

*Action, Action - post about a ritual, working or other experiential moment related to your path that has occurred recently, or that you are planning to do.

Learning. Learning, learning, learning. That's what I've been doing. But while its no fun just to say that, I could talk about what I want to try to do for the summer solstice. I could. But that's a month away and I don't know if I would actually be doing or able to do anything for the solstice. Its a Wednesday so probably not. The most I'd do is probably walk down to Subway. Oh well. Like I said. Month away.

People are probably thinking "A Kemetic celebrating the solstice?" My response to that is that that is something I've thought about doing when I was back in elementary school. My thoughts were "Hey its always marked on the calendar. Why can't we do something for it?" Those feelings never left. Though I always forget what day it is until its too late >.<;

Pagan Insights Project - Musical Musings

* Musical Musings - post a song, chant or poem related to your path, or one that invokes a feeling/emotion related to your spirituality (or craft). Can be in word form, but videos would definitely be awesome as well. On a spiritual level, what is your music of the moment? Is this a song stuck in your head, or one you played before your last ritual?

This song is actually a bit of a weird one. Though I do have to say before I move on to explaining this song, I tend to stick to songs that I already know because I want to be able to listen and just sing if I'm in the mood. I like the feeling I get when I sing.

The reason I chose this song for this prompt is because this song for some reason or another is the only one I've listened to that reminds me of any deity. While yes if you looked at my iPod I do have a handful Christian songs on it >.< they don't make me think of the Christian God. But this song makes me think of Aset. I still haven't figured out exactly why at all. I've actually been putting off figuring that one out. ^.^;

Pagan Insights Project - Post A Pic

* Post A Pic - post an image related to your path, or one that invokes a feeling/emotion related to your spirituality (or craft… if one is a non-religious Witch), along with a sentence or two describing the image.

This was the first image that came to my mind when I thought about this prompt. Well not this one exactly but one of the moon. I always get a sense of peace and calmness when I look up at the moon. I also get a good chunk of reading done at night. Nighttime is the time that I get to sit back and relax. I don't feel like I'm rushing around. I don't want to feel rushed when I'm learning.

Pagan Insights Project - In Your Own Words

Well I'm "starting a little late" with this. It was posted on TIP at the beginning of the month. And I'm just now getting around to saying and doing something about it. What a good little pagan I am. But hey. I'm getting around to it. And what I like about the Pagan Insights Project is that it'll give me a bit more of a direction to blog about than my random little musings about this, that, and the other thing. Unless you guys actually like my random musing about this, that, and the other thing. But I still feel like I need something to pull the people in. I don't feel like I'm finding the topics people want to read about. Or even approaching them the right way that its pulling people in. But eventually I want to get around to doing the 30 Days of Paganism prompt. But that might be a bit. When I feel like I've started posting on a more regular basis. Or when I feel like I'm going to have a slow month. Oh hey look! I think that might be December. Or something like that.

But anywho on to the PIP ( >.< ) post!

* In Your Own Words - your thoughts and feelings – maybe a full blog post on a topic of your choice related to your path (or Paganism in general) or just a few sentences on where you are right now. What are you studying? What are you thinking? Who are you, and where are you going on your Pagan path? What’s right and what’s wrong in Paganism at the moment?

 In my own words. There's a number of ways I could take that. To start I'll probably just answer the example questions. In later posts if/when I get back and re-answer these prompts I might do it differently. But for now you're getting this:

I am who I am. Right now my name isn't really of importance. Even in my path. Even though its been almost a year since I started following the Kemetic path I know I'm still young in it. Even though it would be nice to have the gods name me I'm no where near that yet. Some times I wonder if I'll even be. I may be an insecure person and I doubt that I'm getting anywhere but I know that this is what I want. I want to learn from the Kemetic gods. People may look at me and say "But you're only 21. That'll change in a few years." While I hope that I'll be able to continue to grow and change, I hope that this desire doesn't go away. I want something that can actually be stable in my life. So I know that I can try to make better and stabilize the rest of my life. Right now I'm reading Red Land, Black Land by Barbara Mertz for my "Kemetic studies". I'm only a few pages into it but its a bit interesting so far. Interesting in the fact that Mertz's writing is so casual. Kinda like we're sitting down and talking about it. Unlike other books where its "here's the facts" and that's it.

I'd type more but I'm tired. Should have already been in bed. But I wanted to get something posted for this. I might redo the Pagan Insights Project every so often. Just to keep track of how much I've progressed. But we'll just have to see.

O.O Why Haven't I Posted Anything?

Well the answer to that is simple. Haven't felt like it. And right now I have nothing better to do. Ok I actually do. I've actually been picking up my books again. Woot! I started re-reading the first couple pages of Egyptian Mythology: A Guide to the Gods, Goddesses, and Traditions of Ancient Egypt by Geraldine Pinch so I could continue on and hopefully finish this time. Which probably won't happen anytime soon. Reason being: I am Derpy Hooves!

Well as I've mentioned  back in my Oh Lookie Here post, I have no job and that I want to start going back to the library on a weekly basis. Well I was going through the long list of books I have on Egyptian mythology and Kemeticism and stuff like that and decided to check the library's online catalog. Well I started to put books on hold. ^.^; Hey I stopped myself at 2 this time. Unlike last year where I put everything I could on hold and then never got through it all. But I still can't get all the books that other Kemetics have said that are staple reads and I don't know if the only way I'm going to end up getting my hands on them is to have to buy them. Reason being the library I go to already has like a built in inter-library loan system. Isn't it beautiful? I could go to any of those libraries listed and return those books to any other one. But out of 38 libraries I haven't been able to find like a good 3/4 of the books on my to read list. Probably more. I haven't counted. And with me I want to be able to read the book and know I'll like it before I buy it.

So where was I? Oh yeah. Trying to start going to the library and reading more. I also mentioned the job thing. Well after I went through the library catalog, I went over to the library website. I forget why exactly. Oh right. I was looking up the time that my library branch was actually open. I wanted to go yesterday. But when I was looking on Thursday/Friday (I forget which) I found out that they're closed on Sundays from May through September. I was bummed. Why would a library be closed on Sundays during the summer? Why? I just don't get it. But oh well. As I was looking for the times on the site I saw the tab at the bottom for Employment. Randomly clicking on it I saw that they had an opening at one of the branches. My thoughts were "Yay! I want it!" "Which branch do I turn it in to?" "Oh crap I don't have a printer." "I'll take care of it on Sunday since I'm busy Saturday." "Effing a! They're not open on Sundays!! TT.TT Now what?" Well I had gotten the application printed out yesterday. But like I said: I am Derpy Hooves. I left it at my boyfriend's. ^.^; And I'm gonna be heading to the library after my mom comes home from work. And then we're headed up to the lake. Yay lawn bowling!

Starting a little late but I don't think the people up at the lake mind. Lawn bowling actually started in April. But last year they let me start like half way through the season. I enjoy lawn bowling for multiple reasons. How I got started was there were a couple times my mom couldn't go pick up my grandpa for some reason or another and drive him up to the lake for lawn bowling. He's been lawn bowling with that group for years. (Found out he's been doing it for 20+ years. Longer than I've been around.) Then one day they needed an extra person to complete one of the teams. So I got roped into it. I don't mind. I think its fun. And it gives me something to do with my grandpa. I hadn't exactly seen my grandpa as much as I used to since my grandma had gotten diagnosed with cancer how ever many years ago. Then I had just stopped trying all together after she died. I even tried avoiding going to see him when I could. I still try to get out of it when I'd be going to see him on my own. My grandma's death was hard on all of us and I know full well that my coping mechanism is avoidance. I was trying to avoid it in the early stages. I didn't want anything to do with them anymore. But its not like I could do anything to escape it all. We would go bake cookies with her every year around Christmas time. So I think of her when I bake. She taught me and my sister how to knit and crochet. She'd always have a new project she was working on when we would go visit her on the weekends. So naturally I would think of her when I would start crocheting something.

But enough down in the dumps stuff. This post wasn't going to be a downer one. Plus with having to stop and start again because my mom finally came and got me I forgot where I was headed with the rest of this. I was able to pick up the books. I got Red Land, Black Land and Temples, Tombs, & Hieroglyphs both by Barbara Mertz. I might start putting up some book reviews when I finally sit down and actually finish reading a book. Speaking of I want to start reading now so I'll end this here. Senebty.